Twas the night before Christmas and all through the houseNot a creature was stirring, just the Mac and the mouse,When all of a sudden a wail filled the airAs the burglar alarm detected a hair.I ran to the keypad, pushed down on the codeHoping neighborly tempers would not explode.The phone rang and I told the guard I was fineWhen over the rooftop came a great whine,Then four beeps, a grunt, a groan and a sighAnd a deep voice bellowing down from on high:"Things have come to a pretty pass, I have to say,When the elves install car alarms right on my sleigh!"He was dressed for South Florida, wearing shorts and a tee,With the logo of Lauderdale-down-by-the-sea.
Brakes squealed as a sleigh wheel got caught in the gutterAnd Rudolph’s hoof smashed up a hurricane shutter."I’m glad you dropped in," I wanted to say,But thoughts of a homeowners policy got in the way.They don’t cover sleigh wheels, or santas, or deer,So I’d soon be in debt for for this holiday cheer."Have a soft drink?" I offered, to get him out faster,But at moochng this guy was clearly the master."Soda? For children! Just give me a brew.Molsons preferred, but Corona will do.""Gee, Santa," I said, as I eyed his big sack,"I still have twelve boxes left to unpack.Instead of a gift this year, maybe your elvesCould help me assemble my lamps and my shelves?And move this big table and hang all those prints --"But all of a sudden I saw Santa wince."I have a long drive," he said with a frown,"And the elves union says they have to put downTheir tools after midnight, or I travel aloneAnd call for repairs on my cellular phone.A mechanic on holidays? I don’t do magicAnd delaying these gifts to good kids would be tragic."A last sip of beer, a quick wave of the handAnd Santa was headed away from my land.The sleigh was still on the roof, so I cried,"Take special care as you climb up the side!Those screens are secure, and they have little wiresTo sound an alarm against burglars and fires --"Too late!
A boot crashed and the sirens beganAnd ’twas back to the keypad before they could scanMy sensors again, for twice in one nightWould give any alarm system cause for a fright.I’ll be spared Santa’s gifts when I wake Christmas morningSo I’ll just take some time to post a new warning:"No trespassing: Elves and santas beware!All visitors must offer to do home repair!"For serious advice about moving, download Making the Big Move.About The AuthorCathy Goodwin, Ph.D., is an author, speaker and career/business consultant, helping midlife professionals take their First step to a Second Career.
Brakes squealed as a sleigh wheel got caught in the gutterAnd Rudolph’s hoof smashed up a hurricane shutter."I’m glad you dropped in," I wanted to say,But thoughts of a homeowners policy got in the way.They don’t cover sleigh wheels, or santas, or deer,So I’d soon be in debt for for this holiday cheer."Have a soft drink?" I offered, to get him out faster,But at moochng this guy was clearly the master."Soda? For children! Just give me a brew.Molsons preferred, but Corona will do.""Gee, Santa," I said, as I eyed his big sack,"I still have twelve boxes left to unpack.Instead of a gift this year, maybe your elvesCould help me assemble my lamps and my shelves?And move this big table and hang all those prints --"But all of a sudden I saw Santa wince."I have a long drive," he said with a frown,"And the elves union says they have to put downTheir tools after midnight, or I travel aloneAnd call for repairs on my cellular phone.A mechanic on holidays? I don’t do magicAnd delaying these gifts to good kids would be tragic."A last sip of beer, a quick wave of the handAnd Santa was headed away from my land.The sleigh was still on the roof, so I cried,"Take special care as you climb up the side!Those screens are secure, and they have little wiresTo sound an alarm against burglars and fires --"Too late!
A boot crashed and the sirens beganAnd ’twas back to the keypad before they could scanMy sensors again, for twice in one nightWould give any alarm system cause for a fright.I’ll be spared Santa’s gifts when I wake Christmas morningSo I’ll just take some time to post a new warning:"No trespassing: Elves and santas beware!All visitors must offer to do home repair!"For serious advice about moving, download Making the Big Move.About The AuthorCathy Goodwin, Ph.D., is an author, speaker and career/business consultant, helping midlife professionals take their First step to a Second Career.
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